Strange religion retort

A weird "holy man" entered my friend Gene Neudigate's business a few years ago. Somehow the topic of Christianity came up. 

The strange visitor said, "In my religion, if we want to go somewhere, we instantly teleport ourselves."

Gene was speechless.

We think of the best response later.

If only Gene had said, "You know, I've been looking for the ideal religion. Teleportation sounds great! Do it right now, and I may sign up."

Sternly rebuked on the Bainbridge ferry

I’m one of those people who thinks of just the right response to a wisecrack, but too late.

Comedian-author-musician Steve Allen was asked where he came up with all his timely witticisms and retorts.

“There’s no lack of material trying to come out of my head. The trick is to edit it.”

One time I took the earliest Bainbridge Island ferry to Seattle. At first I was one of about three riders on the spacious passenger deck. I noted row upon row of eight-person booths with tables. I sat down at one of them. One of the very few early passengers three booths down sternly rebuked me.

“You can’t sit there.”

“Why not?”

“That’s for the regulars.”

Although I had ridden the ferry more than 200 times a year, my mind splattered. Fortunately an angel appeared out of nowhere and told me to sit tight, she would make other arrangements.

Of course, I thought later what I should have said:

“Sir, I’ve been a passenger and a driver on this ferry since 1948. My fares and taxes over 60 years have purchased this vessel, and you are welcome to sail with me!”